Harper Danielle is here

Hi everyone. Yesterday at 6:06 I gave birth to our daughter. Harper Danielle, she is 6 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches. long.

My water broke a little after midnight on Sunday morning. I got up thinking I had to pee and I thought I'd pee'd myself a little bit. I went to the bathroom and it didn't stop. But it wasn't all what I would have expected. So I danced around the bathroom for a bit and then gush. So, I knew at that point and promptly freaked out and woke Gary up. I couldn't remember for the life of me if we went to the hospital when my water broke or not. I called the answering service and never got a call back. So, I waited an hour and got put on hold and got pissed an hung up after about 5 mins. At this point I was starting to get really hot and thought I might be getting a fever. I knew that I was positive for strep B and needed to be on an IV of anti-b's well before baby got here. So, we decided to go to the hospital.

I got checked in right away and we were in our room at about 1:30. At this point I was having random contractions and they weren't that bad at all. Over the morning, after my first check up, they scared me a few times telling me if I didn't get into active labor on my own soon that they would give me petocin. The first thing I had to get was an IV. I was very nervous about this, I am not good with needles. The gal doing it was nice, but she put it in on the left side and after a few sticks my vein rolled, so that was far from pleasant. Then she moved to the other side and got it in, but it was in a really funky spot and left me without control of my right hand pretty much and bothered me all day. But the last thing I wanted was to be stuck again, so I just left it alone. Alllllll day long it bothered me and my right hand swelled up, so it was pretty much useless for me to grab my legs with later in the day. Around 3:30 Gary ran home to let the dogs out b/c our dogsitter wasn't coming over until 7 or 8 and we were worried about our first babies. While he was gone things really got going and I started having regular contractions and they hurt. At this point I still had the illusion in my head that I could probably make it w/o an epidural. Tuttttt tuuttt. That lasted for maybe 30 more mins, then they really kicked in and I was only about 2 cms dilated, so too early for an epi. I asked the nurse for a little something to take the edge off and they gave me Nubane (sp?). Loved it. It took the edge off and doped me up and I really wanted to sleep, I wanted to sleep soooo bad. And I totally could of on this stuff, but people kept coming in. First the docs for another check, then the anesthesiologist to tell me about that and give me forms to sign, then the cord bank stuff, then the nurse and by the time this parade of people was over around 7/8 am the Nubane had worn off enough that it still numbed the contractions a bit, but not enough to sleep over.

At some point I decided I wanted an epi, the contractions had gotten so much worse. Boy that is some serious pain there! I knew I was a wuss, but sheesh. I called for the epidural and they told Gary to leave. They started to clean off my back when the person administering it got called to the ER. So, just like that I was left in a lurch with contractions going OFF the chart on my bedside monitor. I was left like that for about an hour and by the time Gary came back into the room (they told him to get lost for 20 mins) I was pretty much crying and hyperventilating through each one. Poor guy looked so scared, but what could he do. So, I had 2 hours or so of the big contractions. But eventually the nurse found a doc to do my epi, I think it was around 2pm. I was scared I wouldn't be able to sit still, but I did. It wasn't a great feeling by any means, but I didn't think the epi hurt nearly as bad as the IV and I got through it relatively calm, except that a contraction hit and I had to work so hard to sit still. I only had like 2 more painful contractions after that and felt fine the rest of the time. By the next check I was already between 5-6 cm (previously had been 3 and threatened with petocin again). Those 2 hours of major contractions did their job. The epi was great, but also awful b/c I was now bed bound, not that I had been up and about nearly as much as I would have envisioned. With the belly monitors and IV it's hard to go anywhere. But by the time it came time to push I realized that my legs had swollen to gargantuan proportions and I could barely bend my knees, which was really gross.

I started pushing around 4:45 and it was hard b/c I just couldn't tell if I was pushing effectively. My right leg was like a dead weight I could do nothing with it. But I could feel my feet and my leg leg pretty well. I had a really great resident gal who sat with me the whole time I pushed and massaged my perineum internally and would coach me to push her fingers and was really great. I didn't think I wanted resident around, but she was awesome. I only saw my actual doc for like 20-40 mins the whole day, including when he caught the baby. So, I pushed for a little over an hour, maybe like 10 sets of pushing. It didn't hurt at all really, was just tiring. I had been up for like 18 hours at this point and was just exhausted. My mom, Gary and his mom were in the room. I had thought I only wanted Gary there, but I was so tired I just didn't care anymore and you guys were right my modesty was right out the window. No episotomy, no hemorrhoids popping out! I got by with one stitch from a teeny tear. I would say overall labor was horribly tiring and the worst was really being tired and hungry.

On that final push they put her on my belly and its just shocking how blue and waxy they are. It scared me to death. She was wiggling around and I got to take a look, but then they snatched her away. And all kinds of people came in and long story short my little Harper is in NICU. It sucks sooooo badly. I only got to hold her for like 5 mins before they took her away. The main reason being that she never cried. She was breathing, just not making a sound, not a peep and I heard several conversations asking how far along I was, they seemed to think she was exhibiting the motor skills of a preemie....so there are some "tone" and "reflex" issues as well. The whole thing was a whirlwind and everyone was really very nice, but it's the worst feeling in the world to see your baby over in the little warmer with like 5 people gathered around trying to make her right. The docs took her away and came back to talk to us at like 7:30. They brought her back to me around 9 and we tried to feed her, but she wasn't having it. She just wanted to sleep. So, they took her away to the NICU to stay overnight and unfortunately put her on an IV. So sad for her. Gary took my mom home around 10 and while he was gone, they moved me to postpartum. He got back around 11 and went and spent some time with Harper. I slept for a few hours, then went in there around 1. She finally cried while I was in there, thank god. But we are not out of the woods yet. I spent some time with her, but they put her in one of those incubators with the arm holes, I couldn't deal with it. So, I came back and went to bed for about 4 hours.

I got up at 6 this morning and went to try and feed her again. She's kind of getting it, but I'm not making anything right now. I thought I was, but after she refused to eat, I came back to use the pump and nothing is coming out anyway. I don't know anything right now. I spent some time with her and am waiting for breakfast, then I am going to shower and go back to the nursery and spend some more time with her. I know they won't let her off the IV until she eats and I don't seem to be making any milk, so I don't know how all of that is going to work out. We may be here longer than the normal 48 hours, at least she might. I don't know if I will stay here or go home since we live close. So, the worry and the wait continues. It sucks.

Please excuse the grammatical errors as I am exhausted.