Gag me

Seriously, ugh. A friend of mine has been losing her mucus plug and I am so excited/anxious for her that I decided to google how long you can go after losing your plug before delivering (answer up to 2 weeks) and am so thoroughly grossed out right now. After reading all the descriptions of this giant piece of bloody snot I just want to lose my lunch. Seriously I know some people think of all this is so beautiful and amazing, but I just find it all really disgusting. I am now having visions of walking into the bathroom one day and finding a huge bloody slug looking thing in my undies. Can you imagine that happening at work, sitting in a meeting and then all of a sudden you feel that working it's way out. No thank you. Please let me be one of the lucky ones who never even sees their bloody show (seriously what the hell does that term mean, I am too scared to further google) and just go into labor and lose it at that time. Blech.

Sheesh what a difference a day makes

Sheesh. In a matter of 12 hours my boobs went from being just fine to hurting like hell. I could barely sleep on my stomach last night, I kept moving and then getting a stab of shooting pain up my boobie. Today I feel like I have swollen watermelons (okay who am I kidding apricots) shoved in my nearly B bra. Yes readers, I am really flat chested. I am one of those people who actually buys a nearly B bra, b/c the A is just too depressing. Well, this morning the girls are filling out my B so much that I might not be nearly anymore. But they hurt. And of course the first thing G does this morning is grab my boob. Ouch. I keep wanting to pull my shirt out and look at them. But I guess that's inappropriate at work. I just did it anyway, though. No one saw me.

I feel like everyone should be able to tell just looking at me that I am Woman, I am Pregnant! Look at me Fertile Florence. Then I remember I'm all of 7 or 8 weeks along. No big deal yet, no big difference. But why do I feel like my stomach looks 3 months along. Ugh. It could be b/c I can't take a good poo to save my life. Oh bodily functions, how I detest you right now.

Is it wrong that all of this totally grosses me out?

Hmmmm, so I think this is what ovulating feels like oooorrrr I am about to have my period? I woke up this morning with a really painful stomach ache in my lower belly area. I assume something is going down in the ovaries. The pain subsided after about an hour, but that area still feel kind of sore. Seriously, I didn’t even realize how great being on the pill was. I have never had any kind of PMS and I didn’t even know it was period time most of the time, other than the fact that I was on the dummy pills. It’s also amazing to me how little I know about my body and how it is supposed to function. Since I have been on the pill for all of 13 years now, going on it in high school (insert apology to mom now (not that she is reading this), while I may have gone on the pill at 16 b/c I had big plans, I didn’t need it for a few more years), I really haven’t ever had to think much about periods and all that yucky stuff. Wow, I used parenthesis inside of parenthesis back there, that takes talent. Yes, I am still totally immature and periods are yucky and I don’t even want to fathom the day I am interested in my discharge. I mean really someday I may blog about how I am getting egg whitey, for reals. That is just gross. Actually the fact that I will even have discharge grosses me out. Seriously. Okay, I will stop now.

I went ahead and told Gary I was keeping this blog and that maybe I told my one pregnant friend here about it, oh and well this gal I know from san fran, oh and maybe my sister and mindy, but then again maybe your sister too. He didn’t get too mad, just said that I should really devote a blog to him and all his greatness. Well, the fact that I want to have his baby is saying something right? He also went on to say that I should really write about how great he is at this practice baby making stuff. Those of you who know G will get a kick out of that, he has to be disgusting at all time. Which is part of the reason I love him so much. Now if I could just figure out a way to get him to rub my feet.

We have an agreement. If it’s a boy he gets to name it, and it will be named after him. I’m not super excited about that, but it means something to him and I would never take that away from him. So to make up for it, he agreed that I get to name it (it sounds so bad!) if it’s a girl. So, here are some of my favorite names in no particular order!

Ruby
Elanore (call her Elly)
Madeline
Lola (gary hates)
Stella Blue (after my favorite Grateful Dead song, again gary hates)
Skylar (getting a little too trendy?)
Dylan ( I love me some bob Dylan and can totally see me dancing around the house baby on hip wailing “it ain’t me babe”)
Tela (great Phish song, not Tela Tequila!)