Ooooh drumroll please, this is a very exciting week! This is the week that Aunt Flo is supposed to come to town, the Time of the month, the the the hmmm....I seem to have ran out of euphemisms for period already. I guess I'm out of practice since I spend most of my joke related times on poop and farts. I got all excited and took another test this morning (i know, i know!) and it was a dud. The F-er didn't even give me the control line. grrrrr.

I bought a gift for a friends shower last night and it was so cute I just wanted to put it on my cat and make her walk around the house in it. But I didn't. Maybe tonight.... Sorry Salty, try to ignore the cat fur on your present.

hmmmmmmm

Vivian?

so my sister suggested the name Vivian. She thought of it b/c of pretty woman, but it just so happens, I caught pretty women on TBS the other day and thought it was a pretty name. But it's been in my head and I keep rolling it around. It is such a beautiful name - Vivian Grace....too froo froo? Wow, I'll pretty much have the name and nursery picked out before I am even pregnant or know the sex of the baby. Oh well, it can't hurt to daydream. I also think of cute things I could call a boy aside from his given name of Gary. I keep coming back to Mutt, don't ask why! I have no clue.

Ever since I went off the pill, all 21 days ago, I have felt like crud. Just one thing after another. It's really annoying. I don't know if it's related or not. Mostly it's just an overall belly blerghyness and fatigue. Like I just feel like I am in a fog. I can't get up in the morning Plus I have had several periods of general ick when I just know my body is in disarray. Today is one of those days. Again, I can't even imagine I could possibly be pregnant, so I don't think it's that. I think it's my body adjusting, but I am sick of being sick. It's really starting to put a damper on my life! I take my vitamins, I eat well, I work out, yet I seem to always be sick. So unfair. I have had blood work done, everything is on the up and up. Maybe I am just a headcase!

$10 down the drain

I imagine that everyone who had tried to get pregnant has done the same thing, but I must admit I've taken 2 pregnancy tests in the past month. So silly I know. There is no logical way that even if I was preggo that they stick would show me that until I am closer to my TOM. So silly. That's a good way to waste money, that's for sure. It seems with all the amazing technologies we have that something should be able to tell you you are pregnant the day after fertilization. Come on!

to quit or not to quit

I freaking hate mondays. I actually hate my job. I am a project manager for a software company. I'll leave it at that, never know when big brother is watching. I worry a lot about working here while pregnant. Stress can't be good for a pregnancy and I pretty much almost cry weekly at work. I have thought about quitting and finding a new job. But it's really not the best time to start a new job, when you are going to be getting pregnant hopefully.

If I work here when I get pregnant, I will not go back to work. I would like 1 year off. Now, I would prefer a part time gig and then stick to part time for 3-5 years. If this job was willing to let me keep one or two of my accounts and work from home 10 hours a week and come into the office for 10 hours a week, etc. I would stay here, but this job is not that progressive, they wouldn't ever consider such a thing. So, maybe i would be better off finding a new job at smaller company that is privately owned and might be more apt to consider such a thing. However, I would think I'd need to prove myself before a company would care to keep me part time. And who knows how much time I have on my hands? It's all very confusing. It's a shame there are not more part time professional opportunities. I hate to not bring in any income, but there is no way being here 45 hours a week is more important than seeing my babies firsts. No way, but I need to come up with a way to bring in a few hundred a week. Maybe I will watch someone else's kid?? Or try to start up that dog walking business. Couldn't I take the baby with me strapped to my chest for dog walks?? But that'd only be $10 bucks a walk, so I'd need to have like 30walks a week, that doesn't sound likely.... Sigh, how do people make ends meet on one salary!

Is it wrong that all of this totally grosses me out?

Hmmmm, so I think this is what ovulating feels like oooorrrr I am about to have my period? I woke up this morning with a really painful stomach ache in my lower belly area. I assume something is going down in the ovaries. The pain subsided after about an hour, but that area still feel kind of sore. Seriously, I didn’t even realize how great being on the pill was. I have never had any kind of PMS and I didn’t even know it was period time most of the time, other than the fact that I was on the dummy pills. It’s also amazing to me how little I know about my body and how it is supposed to function. Since I have been on the pill for all of 13 years now, going on it in high school (insert apology to mom now (not that she is reading this), while I may have gone on the pill at 16 b/c I had big plans, I didn’t need it for a few more years), I really haven’t ever had to think much about periods and all that yucky stuff. Wow, I used parenthesis inside of parenthesis back there, that takes talent. Yes, I am still totally immature and periods are yucky and I don’t even want to fathom the day I am interested in my discharge. I mean really someday I may blog about how I am getting egg whitey, for reals. That is just gross. Actually the fact that I will even have discharge grosses me out. Seriously. Okay, I will stop now.

I went ahead and told Gary I was keeping this blog and that maybe I told my one pregnant friend here about it, oh and well this gal I know from san fran, oh and maybe my sister and mindy, but then again maybe your sister too. He didn’t get too mad, just said that I should really devote a blog to him and all his greatness. Well, the fact that I want to have his baby is saying something right? He also went on to say that I should really write about how great he is at this practice baby making stuff. Those of you who know G will get a kick out of that, he has to be disgusting at all time. Which is part of the reason I love him so much. Now if I could just figure out a way to get him to rub my feet.

We have an agreement. If it’s a boy he gets to name it, and it will be named after him. I’m not super excited about that, but it means something to him and I would never take that away from him. So to make up for it, he agreed that I get to name it (it sounds so bad!) if it’s a girl. So, here are some of my favorite names in no particular order!

Ruby
Elanore (call her Elly)
Madeline
Lola (gary hates)
Stella Blue (after my favorite Grateful Dead song, again gary hates)
Skylar (getting a little too trendy?)
Dylan ( I love me some bob Dylan and can totally see me dancing around the house baby on hip wailing “it ain’t me babe”)
Tela (great Phish song, not Tela Tequila!)