And the worry continues

So I had a doctor's appt this morning, but got stood up b/c the doc was running late. Okay, it happens, no biggie. But of course now that I actually have something to address I have no one to talk to. I was too busy at work to worry about it. I talked to the midwife when I got home. Can't say it made me feel very good. I have to go in for a non stress test Friday morning. She's still pretty worried after looking over the results I guess. Again, it is what it is and there's nothing I can do at this point. I tried to do a little research on what my worse case scenario is here, but it's too hard to really figure it out. So, that's it again I am done worrying about it. Non stress test Friday, ultrasound next Thurs. Then if I have to get induced, I'll worry.

Hibernation

I slept a lot this weekend. I actually felt much better on Sat & Sun than I did last week. I wonder if it's psychosomatic, being at work makes me feel worse. Computers and florescent lights make me sick. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel great, but I do feel better than last week. I haven't had any crampy feelings since Friday evening. But my boobs and back are still killing me, my stomach is still a rotten mess of diarrhea and heartburn and I am soooo tired. I slept a lot this weekend. Naps both days and I went to bed at 9:30 last night and got up at 7:20 am today, one trip outside with Fonzie around 4am. I did however go to prenatal yoga and walk 2 miles on Sat and walk 2 miles on Sunday. I asked the doc if it was okay to still walk a few miles despite baby's low weight and he said yes, so I guess I will just shoot for 1-2 miles of walking each day and leave it at that until baby is here. I have a doc appt tomorrow at my OBGYN's office. Same doc I saw last week, different doc than I've seen all along. She doesn't like to do internal's b/c she figures the baby will come when it comes, so I don't know that I'll get any update on if things are moving along or not. She has a point, but oooh the wait is killer (and I still have 3.5 weeks to go!).

I am hoping/waiting for that nesting urge to kick in. I have the desire to clean out my closet, but not the energy. I really want to get that done before baby gets here, b/c it will be the last thing I will think about and its time to pack up all the winter clothes. I couldn't wear them anyway, I've been wearing the same 6 shirts forever. I need to do that and the front porch needs to be cleaned off. That's it for my task list. Gary is currently repainting the kitchen and fixing the windows in there, the rope mechanism doesn't work in 2 of them, we use wooden spoons to keep them open :) Not the safest thing! Downstairs bathroom never got painted :( and likely won't since we are out of time.....but hopefully he can do it when he is home for 6 weeks with me.

My friend Jenni from Cincinnati is likely having a baby today, so sending her positive vibes and lots of good luck. It was looking like the baby was breech and she had an appt this morning and they decided to go ahead and send her for induction/csection, she's due in about 2 weeks. So, she will likely be meeting her son today! I can't wait to see pics.

Oh and I sent Gary a list of names and told him to mark off ones he hates, and bold ones he likes, here is what we've got going now. The non bold ones are ones he can live with. I'm surprised he likes Harper and sad he hates Zoe.

Elanore
Lillian
Maisie
Harper
Violet
Norah
Iris
Lyla
Lilla
Mallory
Ruby
Elise


He vetoed:
Chloe
Zoe
Quinn
Rowan
Roxy
Stella
Bliss
Opal
Delilah
Lydia
Lenore
Claire

belly shot - 36 weeks

I haven't posted one for a few weeks. Here is the 36 week belly shot. Oh and on TMI pregnancy news my boobs have decided to start leaking. Lovely. I didn't realize that would happen so soon, but sure enough there's yellow liquid coming out. Greeaaattt. Also for the last 3 days or so I've noticed that I am extremely achy. My whole back, not just my lower back is killing me and my hips, if I move my legs to the side too much I feel like they are going to pop out, plus my knees are aching. Do you produce more relaxin towards the end? It didn't really occur to me until just a few minutes ago when I moved oddly in my chair and I literally thought my hip popped out of socket. Welll, maybe that is normal, since they will have to pop out soon.

And check out cutie patootie Nils, my friend's 9 month old son. They came to stay with us last weekend. Nils is loving standing up by pulling up on anything right now, he's sooo ready to walk.

Fonzie is doing a diaper check in that last one. Good boy. He'll come in handy.

my tiny baby

Well I had my ultrasound today and I can't say it was the most comforting appointment ever. I will now be a worry wart for the next 2 weeks. I have to go back in 2 weeks for yet another u/s. So the baby is measuring 2 weeks behind. She is in the 15% and just a smidge over 5 lbs. As the doctor told you only have to worry when they are under 10%. Great, a whole whopping 5% over. His advice to me was to eat nutritious meals, not lay on my back and drink lots of water. Okay....I will work on that. Of course I am now convinced my baby is tiny b/c I ate a ton of junk and watch tv on my back every night. Just my luck. On a positive note, the spine is formed, the kidneys are working, the lungs are working, the heart has all the chambers. She is exteremly wiggly and the nurse said she could tell she had a head full of hair. Hmmm, maybe those old wives tales about heartburn are true. Of course I am going to try not to worry, but it's not a very good feeling to know your baby is in the 15 percentile for anything. All this time I have been worried about having a giant baby.

Worse case scenario is I go back in 2 weeks and baby is still under 6 lbs, then I have to get induced b/c they will decide she's not getting the proper nutrition in there.

All of this really makes me not like my doctor. I've seen the same doctor for 90% of my appointments. I have seen a different doctor 3 times. 2 of those were midwives. The first midwife caught that my doctor didn't order me to get the RH- shot that can only happen during a certain timeframe. Then this new midwife I saw last time told me I have been consistently measuring small. Well, if that were the case, why did he never mention it? Maybe if he had told me a few months ago I could have been better about my vegetables and watching tv sitting up and it would have made some difference. Grrrrr.

Again, I know everyone is going to post not to worry, but I will. I'm her mom what choice do I have! LOL.

Whine

Can I whine for a little bit? I am miserable today. I woke up this morning and had a sore throat and was all stuffy headed. I just couldn't pull myself out of bed and didn't get up until like 7:30 to leave at 8. I almost called in sick, but am trying to save my days and I had a few meetings today I really couldn't miss. Fonzie decided that this morning would be the morning he totally went wild child and he ran off after a bird and I had to go chase him through multiple yards. Thank goodness I had shoes on. I normally trudge outside in Gary's size 14 flip flops, not the safest i know, but I usually just stand in the driveway while he pees and runs right back in. Anyway I got him back to the house, but knew I was in for a bad day.

I just feel like total crud today. My head hurts, my back aches and I feel like I might just crap my pants at any and every minute, although that hasn't happened. I also think I might have started having braxton hicks contractions. It's not how I would have imagined them, but I am definitely having some stabbing random pains that I can only liken to extremely bad period cramps. Everything combined has made for a very irritable monica today and I had like 5 meetings on my schedule. And after work I have agreed to sit in on a study group a my hospital to discuss prenatal screening. We get a $30 gas card and free Caribou coffee and pastries, why not. But I'd love to just go home and curl into a ball with a heating pad. I have such a hard time believing I will make it to my due date, but if the baby is small as it is, I sure hope I do.

I knew the end would kill me with anticipation. Patience is not a virtue I have. I like to plan, I need to know when things are going to happen and not knowing when this baby is going to get here is going to torture me for the next month. I thought I might get by without braxton hicks, but looks like they are here to torture me too. Although I can't say thye hurt that bad, it's just combined with the back pain they are making it very unpleasant today.

On a more happy note. My coworker knitted me a really pretty afghan for the baby. I have lots of fun plans for the next few days - meeting Sara to walk after work tomorrow, Sat morning meeting friends at the park for them to run, me to walk, then brunch afterwards, movie with Sara Sat afternoon, Sunday I have book club. Good stuff. I am trying to fit as much time with my friends in as I can over the next few weeks. Within reason of course, I am absolutely resting plenty!

UPDATE: Thanks for the concern ladies, but I don't think there's anyway this is real labor. The braxton hicks or whatever they are don't hurt bad enough and have only happened like all of 5 times today.

36 weeks

Tomorrow I am 36 weeks. Wowza. I had a doc appt this morning and met with someone I hadn’t seen before and I really liked her! I wished she’d been my doc the whole time, she’s actually a midwife. But again the chances of her, my normal doc or any of the other 2 people I have seen being there the day I give birth is just luck of the draw. I had my first internal in forever, ahhhh I had conveniently forgotten how sucky those are. I am 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated and the baby is completely engaged. Things are ripening as she put it. She measured me and kept getting that I was measuring more like 34 weeks. Then she looked back at my doc notes and it seems I have been consistently measuring small. He never indicated that. She said she’s really not worried since the head is already so low and the baby is active, but she is sending me for an u/s anyway. Of course this scares me a little bit, but I am also so excited to get a look at her so close to being here, I am so curious as to how she is shoved in there. I have thought my weight gain over the last few months didn’t seem quite right. I have basically been more or less the same weight since Feb, but the belly shape has changed and baby is definitely larger. Anyway. I’m sure it’s fine. More time off of work, joy.

This whole lightening/engaged baby thing, whatever you want to call it is so uncomfortable. I can’t even believe the difference in how I feel since the baby has “dropped”. I certainly can’t pinpoint when it happened, but boy do you just know. I feel like she is going to fall out and all the pressure on my bladder and perineum is insane. Who knew you could even feel your perineum. I kept trying to figure out how to describe it, then looked up lightening and on the description it says you will have increased pressure in the bladder and perineum. There you go. I guess webmd doesn’t use the term ‘taint. So, I am totally oompaloompaing down the halls at work now. I have still been trying to walk the dogs 2-3 miles a night. It is tough, at least for the first mile, but they enjoy it and I know it’s good for me and baby. 29 days until due date!

Birth plan

Well I figured I'd go ahead and do a birth plan, there's not much to it. If you are dead set on natural childbirth then there are a lot more boxes to check!:


Birth Plan for Monica
Due Date: 4/22/09
Patient of / Hillcrest

3/20/09
We are looking forward to sharing our birth experience with you. We have created this birth plan in order to outline some of our preferences for birth. We would appreciate you reviewing this plan, and would be happy to do so with you. We understand that there may be situations in which our choices may not be possible, but we hope that you will help us to move toward our goals as much as possible and to make this labor and birth a great experience. We do not want to replace the medical personnel, but instead want to be informed of any procedures in advance, and to be allowed the chance to give informed consent. Please feel free to ask if you have any questions or comments. Thank you!

Please Note

• My bloodtype is Rh- (Rhesus Negative)
• I would like to wear contact lenses or glasses at all times when conscious.

Labor

• I expect that doctors and hospital staff will discuss all procedures with me before they are performed.
• I would like to be free to walk, change positions and use the bathroom as needed or desired.
• So I can stay as mobile as possible, I would prefer to have a heparin lock adminstered instead of an IV.
• Please do not administer an IV or heparin lock unless there is a clear medical indication that such is necessary.
• Please limit the number of vaginal exams.
• Please do not permit observers such as interns, students or unnecessary staff into the room without my permission.

Labor Augmentation/Induction

• I would like to avoid induction unless it is medically necessary.
• If my pregnancy progresses past 40 weeks, I would prefer to base the decision to induce on the results of my baby's biophysical profiles, not on my own personal discomfort or impatience.
• I would like to try alternative means of labor augmentation, like walking or nipple stimulation, before pitocin or artificial rupture of membranes is attempted.
• Please do not rupture my membranes artificially unless medically indicated.

Anesthesia/Pain Medication

• Please do not offer anesthesia/analgesia unless I ask for it.
• I prefer an epidural to narcotic pain medication.

Cesarean Section Delivery

• I feel very strongly that I would like to avoid a cesarean delivery
• If a cesarean is necessary, I expect to be fully informed of all procedures and actively participate in decision-making.
• I would prefer epidural anesthesia, if possible, in order to remain conscious through the delivery.
• If conditions permit, baby should be given to Gary Nowac (my husband) immediately after the birth.

Perineal Care

• To help my perineum stretch, please help guide my pushing efforts by letting me know when to push and when to stop.
• I would rather have an episiotomy than risk a tear.
• Please administer local anesthesia when repairing any episiotomy or tear(s).

Delivery

• Please allow the umbilical cord to stop pulsating before it is cut.
• I have made arrangements for donation of the umbilical cord blood.
• Please remove my IV/Heparin lock/catheter as soon as possible after delivery.

Newborn Care

• I would like to hold my baby through delivery of the placenta and any repair procedures.
• If possible, please evaluate baby on my abdomen.

Postpartum Care

• I would prefer not to be catheterized until I've had some private time to attempt urination on my own.
• If available, I would prefer a private room.
• I would like to have my baby room-in with me at all times.

Breastfeeding

• I plan to breastfeed and want to nurse immediately following the birth.
• Please do not give my baby supplements (including formula, glucose, or plain water) without my consent, unless there is an urgent medical necessity.
• Please do not give my baby a pacifier.
• I would like to meet with the staff lactation consultant.

35 weeks

Ahhhh I am going to be a mom in like 36 days. Shit. It could be sooner. Two people at work have told me I look like I have dropped. I feel like it too. My walking has totally changed. I waddle and over week or so can really feel a difference in the amount of pressure down below. But she is still kicking and moving around like crazy. I’ve been told that they get really still when you are close. I certainly don’t think that I am going to 5 weeks early, but 2-3 maybe? I’m sure I’ll still be sitting here typing a week late, but you just never know. I am such a type A personality. I knew the anticipation at the end was going to drive me bonkers. I am leaning towards stopping work on April 17. That’s the Friday before my Wed due date. What did you ladies do? I just can’t see myself sitting in my office that last week waiting for the baby to come. I’ll drive myself crazy and not be very effective. But then again if I go a week late, I hate to lose it. On the other hand, to have that week of relaxation and house preparation and lounge time with the dogs might be worth it. I guess once I get a few internal exams I’ll be able to make a better informed decision. If at my appt on April 13th they see some dilation it might be worth having a stop date. I don’t know what to do.

I need to take some more pictures of the nursery. We hung this adorable felt bird mobile from Pottery Barn over the changing table and got the window blinds up. The mobile will probably end up coming down eventually though b/c it’s going to get in Gary’s way, I fit under it just fine. I am very much looking forward to going to babies r us and taking some items back from the shower and getting a few odds and ends we need. Actually I think I will make a list of what else I need to buy to be totally done, I love lists!

* 2-3 more covers for changing pad (is 3 total enough?)
* A secure trash can for diapers/liners
* A secure hamper to put cloth diapers in
* A wet bag for the cloth diapers
* A few of the Johnson & Johnson products (surprisingly I got none at my showers)
* A few large storage containers that are cute, to go underneath the crib to store the million blankets, burp clothes, and other items I have no place for

Not too bad! Mother in law is buying us the pack and play and excersaucer, so we don’t have those yet, where will I put them! We didn’t get a swing or stroller, so I might get those with our exchanged money and gift cards… I don’t know what to do about a stroller. My friend was kind enough to hand me down a car seat with 2 bases, but unfortunately she didn’t have the stroller on hand. She thought she did, but it turned out it was at their parent’s summer home. So, she wouldn’t be able to get it for me until sometime in June. So, I have a free stroller, but won’t have it for about 1.5 months after baby’s arrival. Will I need one before then? The only other one I have is an umbrella stroller and a running stroller. I imagine we will need a stroller from the start, right? So, that being said, since I have a car seat, I don’t need to buy a stroller travel system. What kind of stroller should I get that I can use off the bat??? Suggestions? Brands?

Baby Shower #2

Yesterday Gary's mom threw me a lovely baby shower at her church reception hall. It was a lot of fun. I am definitely getting to the I'm uncomfortable, irratable now leave me alone stage. So, of course I had fun and I am so lucky/blessed to have such wonderful family friends, but boy was I wooped afterwards. I am pretty much finding that I can really only do 1 thing a day. Most days that's make it through the work day. On Sunday I woke up to magical spring weather and walked the dogs 3 miles before heading to the church at 1 to help set up. People got there at 2 and then we were there until 4:30. So, by the time we got home after 5, I just wanted to curl in a ball and die. Well, okay sleep. I can't believe all the great stuff we got, how can one little baby need all of this! Some of the gifts included a boppy newborn lounger, Rainforest jumparoo, Boppy pack n play, Graco high chair, infant sleep positioner, sheets for the crib and sooo many cute outfits. Girl clothes are so much fun! I put all the cute little dresses and bloomers away and it was so fun going through them all. Will she really wear all this stuff! I feel like we are in pretty good shape, not much else we need.

How cute is Gary's cousin's baby trying out the bopper lounger!

The business of being born

Have you seen that movie? It's a documentary by Ricki Lake? It's very informative. It definitely gives you the side of people who prefer natural birth. If you haven't seen it and are preggo I think it's definitely worth a look see. I can't say it changed my mind, I still wouldn't be brave enough to try an at home birth, but as far as all the info on hospitals and drugs and how your day coul go, it was very good. Ricki is a brave woman showing herself totally naked giving birth in a bath tub. I am way too much of a prude for that, but then again that just goes to show you that I have something wrong with my body image! LOL!

I was very shocked when the Anesthiaologist who gave the talk at our hospital said that 99% of their patients get epidurals. To me that didn't seem like something to brag about...he said the national average is 80 something %.

34 weeks!

34 weeks today! 6 weeks to go. Wow. I am this __ close to being ready to be done. I still enjoy watching her move around too much and am not horribly uncomfortable. But I am definitely waddling and feel fat. Can’t breathe when going up stairs and have to pee constantly. I have started to retain water in my hands and feet which hasn’t been an issue up until this point. My sausage fingers and fat ankles totally gross me out. I have little to no energy and can’t sleep worth a damn (but that may just be the puppy). So, yeah if this was over tomorrow there would be a lot of relief!

Last night Gary and I went to “ A night with the Anesthesiologist” which is a meet and greet with the head of anesthesia for our hospital. It was very informative and I am glad we went. I am pretty sure I am going to get one, I’d say 90% sure. Part of me wants to try without, but part of me just really doesn’t see the point. No offense to those of you who believe in all natural. The only reason I am 90% sure and not 100% sure is it would be nice not to have to deal with everything that comes along with the epidural, the fear of it, the initial bee sting shot that numbs your back, the catheter and IV. But I am also the type of person who crys when giving blood so the chance of me going natural is pretty darn slim. I did think that there was good reason to put the drugs off as long as possible so I could be up and about, which I thought would help move the baby along, but this guy said there is no truth to that once you are in active labor. I don’t know, there are a million opinions out there. Bottom line is I am glad we went. Afterwards we got a tour of the birthing area. That was eye opening. It was nothing like I was expecting, kind of janky really! It is an older hospital. I just expected everything to be shiny and metal and very sterile looking, but it’s more like a hotel room with a crazy looking bed in it! I know people who have delivered here though and it has a great reputation. We also got to see 5 little babies in the nursery. Oh one was only 3 hours old and they were doing his footprints. Just wanted to eat him up! They gave us a flyer and the hospital holds mom and me groups for people with infants. I think I may try to go to those, it’ll be nice to meet some other people with little ones.

On Monday I had a checkup. The doc said the baby is pointing down and ready to go. Starting at my next appt which is in 2 weeks I will start getting internal’s again. I don’t get anymore ultrasounds, that was disappointing news. I would love to see how big she is. He wasn’t able to make any sort of guess about her size, just said I was measuring on target, so she’s probably around 5ish lbs. But boy am I in countdown mode, not so much b/c I am ready for baby, I mean I am, but it’s totally scary. But work is a constant headache. I am a project manager with 8 busy accounts. I will have 4 different people divvying up my accounts. So I am starting to copy them on everything now, and include them in meetings, etc. It’s annoying for me and annoying for them b/c something I include them on today might not be an issue in a week, but if I don’t include them and something happens, they are out of the loop. It’s a hard balance to keep. I have been working on an enormous project that goes live next Tuesday. That will be such a huge weight off of me. It’s been horribly stressful and then that account won’t be quite as high maintenance and it’ll be easier to keep my backup involved.

I am thinking more about names and keeping a short list, right now here is what I have on it:

Elanore
Ruby
Adelaide
Mallory
Lillian
Violet
Zoe
Sky

Oh and I have an absolute new favorite food. If you see this in the store, you must try it. It was on sale at Giant Eagle for $1 a pop, usually cost more. I have the lemon verbane and cucumber dill, both were fantastic.

Owls

As an afterthought last night we decided the tree needed an owl, so my sister made me 4. 1 for the tree and 3 to over the closet. I have an owl theme going, I also have an adorable owl nightlight Tina got me at potterbarn and a bookend I got at TJ Maxx for $8.

The nursery

The nursery has been like a dark cloud hanging over my head for many a month now. I wanted it done so badly, but we were in no place to start due to other household projects we were working on (well Gary was working on). But finally I have a nursery people, with 7 weeks to go, the baby could come now and I'd have a room with a changing table! Okay I know I won't really use the nursery off the bat, but whatever. My amazingly talented sister came up this weekend to paint a tree on my wall, then we made leaves out of scrapbooking papers and ran them through an adhesive machine and voila a gorgeous mural. Big thanks to her, she really worked her butt off painting the tree. It took a few coats of paint and she had to do the outline with a little tiny brush. Here are some pics of the tree and my nursery in general, I am changing the bedspread on the bed eventually. I just need to find a solid color one I like, I think there is enough going on in there with out a pink swirly bedspread. The colors are a little skewed in the pics, my room is more purple than gray.

While my sister was here, we also went to Pittsburgh (about 2 hours from Cleveland) to go see Fleetwood Mac in concert. It was an amazing, wonderful concert. I wasn't as miserably tired as I thought I would be, I even drove home. But it was a long day and I've felt pretty wrecked today.